It’s 7:00 at night and you are trying your best to finish a paper, study for a test, and keep up with a lengthy reading assignment. NOTHING is making sense. Meanwhile, your child is protesting cleaning toys up and getting ready for bed. Both of you are tired, if not exhausted. The stage is set…here it comes…tantrum, fit, protest, meltdown, whatever you want to call it—you know what I’m talking about. And if you haven’t already joined in with the meltdown, you really want to yell and scream and throw things too. What do you do?
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| Image from fooyoh.com |
The
fact is, not to discourage anyone, you can’t take away any of the stressors:
the paper, the test, the bills, the children’s wants and needs, life. What you
can do is take control of them by taking control of yourself and your response
to stress.
The
following advice has been found on the Phi Theta Kappa Competitive Edge
website.
Step
One: Learn your own stress response.
Think about taking a test in your hardest class right now and being unprepared
for it. I mean really visualize what it would be like and how you will feel to
completely fail that test. Or think about getting pulled over by a cop. What is
your body doing? Is your heart racing? Is your breathing changed? Is your chest
tighter? Did you feel something in your stomach? Your stress response can be
emotional too. Are you angry? Sad? Scared? Excited? Whatever change you feel is
part of your stress response. Once you are aware of how your body responds to
stress, it will be much easier to cope and even stop your stress response
before you hit meltdown level.
Step
Two: Find stress-busting techniques that work for you. Phi Theta Kappa
recommends engaging multiple senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch).
“Each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things
that are soothing and/or energizing to you.” A person who enjoys music might
choose to work with music playing. Personally, I find doing something that is
‘mindless’ and physical works wonders; go for a walk or run or even clean.
Laughing has been shown to “reduce stress, elevate mood, and bring your nervous
system back into balance.” So a great option might be to read some jokes online
or watch a funny video. Google Tim Hawkins—he is hilarious. Whatever you do,
just be sure you are not avoiding the things that need to be done.
Step
Three: Be the master of your own
emotions. This takes daily practice. Most of us have decided that emotions
just happen and there is nothing that can be done about them. Wrong! It is true
that you may not be able to keep an emotion from coming to the surface, but you
can certainly decide what to do with that emotion. It is really not complicated
either; you simply do not dwell in that emotion (we dwell in houses, not
emotions). Figure out what is causing this emotion and do something about it
immediately if you can. And NEVER act out of emotion. If your kids do something
that makes you furious, send them to their rooms till you can calm down and
then discipline them. If someone does something that upsets you, don’t go on
Facebook and say “I can’t believe how awful So-and-So is! L” Wait until the feeling fades and
go directly to that person and tell him/her how you were offended. If that
person acts like a fool when you do, well, that’s his/her own problem at that point.
Sometimes backing down is really hard to do, especially when you are fired up.
But, I promise you that you will have so much more peace if you do not engage
in an argument. Remember, it takes two to argue. Arguments take time and
energy; and it is exhausting to dwell
in emotion. Learn to forgive—even if the other person is not asking or
deserving. A little known wisdom is that Forgiveness is for the offended, not
the offender. When you forgive someone, all you are saying is ‘I am done with
this argument.’ You are not losing or even condoning what was done. Staying in
an emotion provoked by another person gives the other person control over you.
So forgive and take his or her power away.
Now,
how does this all apply to your family? Do all of these steps together. Help
your family to understand how to identify their stress responses. Then, do
something together. A double meltdown is the perfect opportunity for a bonding
experience: walk together, go bicycling, draw pictures together, watch a TV
show, go to the park. The best thing you can do when you and your kid are
having meltdowns is HUG! Hugging can help heal sickness, disease, loneliness,
depression, stress, and anxiety. Scientifically, hugging someone for 20 seconds
releases oxytocin, which is the hormone associated with love.
