How to Deal with Your Child's Meltdown When You're in the Middle of Your Own!, by Erin Cox

It’s 7:00 at night and you are trying your best to finish a paper, study for a test, and keep up with a lengthy reading assignment. NOTHING is making sense. Meanwhile, your child is protesting cleaning toys up and getting ready for bed. Both of you are tired, if not exhausted. The stage is set…here it comes…tantrum, fit, protest, meltdown, whatever you want to call it—you know what I’m talking about. And if you haven’t already joined in with the meltdown, you really want to yell and scream and throw things too. What do you do?

 

Image from fooyoh.com 

The fact is, not to discourage anyone, you can’t take away any of the stressors: the paper, the test, the bills, the children’s wants and needs, life. What you can do is take control of them by taking control of yourself and your response to stress.

The following advice has been found on the Phi Theta Kappa Competitive Edge website.

Step One: Learn your own stress response. Think about taking a test in your hardest class right now and being unprepared for it. I mean really visualize what it would be like and how you will feel to completely fail that test. Or think about getting pulled over by a cop. What is your body doing? Is your heart racing? Is your breathing changed? Is your chest tighter? Did you feel something in your stomach? Your stress response can be emotional too. Are you angry? Sad? Scared? Excited? Whatever change you feel is part of your stress response. Once you are aware of how your body responds to stress, it will be much easier to cope and even stop your stress response before you hit meltdown level.

Step Two:  Find stress-busting techniques that work for you. Phi Theta Kappa recommends engaging multiple senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch). “Each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing and/or energizing to you.” A person who enjoys music might choose to work with music playing. Personally, I find doing something that is ‘mindless’ and physical works wonders; go for a walk or run or even clean. Laughing has been shown to “reduce stress, elevate mood, and bring your nervous system back into balance.” So a great option might be to read some jokes online or watch a funny video. Google Tim Hawkins—he is hilarious. Whatever you do, just be sure you are not avoiding the things that need to be done.

Step Three: Be the master of your own emotions. This takes daily practice. Most of us have decided that emotions just happen and there is nothing that can be done about them. Wrong! It is true that you may not be able to keep an emotion from coming to the surface, but you can certainly decide what to do with that emotion. It is really not complicated either; you simply do not dwell in that emotion (we dwell in houses, not emotions). Figure out what is causing this emotion and do something about it immediately if you can. And NEVER act out of emotion. If your kids do something that makes you furious, send them to their rooms till you can calm down and then discipline them. If someone does something that upsets you, don’t go on Facebook and say “I can’t believe how awful So-and-So is! L” Wait until the feeling fades and go directly to that person and tell him/her how you were offended. If that person acts like a fool when you do, well, that’s his/her own problem at that point. Sometimes backing down is really hard to do, especially when you are fired up. But, I promise you that you will have so much more peace if you do not engage in an argument. Remember, it takes two to argue. Arguments take time and energy; and it is exhausting to dwell in emotion. Learn to forgive—even if the other person is not asking or deserving. A little known wisdom is that Forgiveness is for the offended, not the offender. When you forgive someone, all you are saying is ‘I am done with this argument.’ You are not losing or even condoning what was done. Staying in an emotion provoked by another person gives the other person control over you. So forgive and take his or her power away.

Now, how does this all apply to your family? Do all of these steps together. Help your family to understand how to identify their stress responses. Then, do something together. A double meltdown is the perfect opportunity for a bonding experience: walk together, go bicycling, draw pictures together, watch a TV show, go to the park. The best thing you can do when you and your kid are having meltdowns is HUG! Hugging can help heal sickness, disease, loneliness, depression, stress, and anxiety. Scientifically, hugging someone for 20 seconds releases oxytocin, which is the hormone associated with love.

Most of all, if you find yourself having a meltdown at the same time as your child, don’t give up! You are not the only one out there having this problem, and we are all going to get through this!

Juggling Life: School, Kids, Spouse, Work, You, by Erin Cox, PTK President

Two weeks into the semester and I already feel like a circus act--how about you? I feel like a juggling clown: one ball per child, one for my spouse, one for work, one for each class, and on and on and on… Although some days I’m not a juggling clown; I’m a contortionist, or a trick rider, or an acrobat, or a lion tamer. I feel like my life is a circus with the main feature being the iron stomach that can drink a full pot of coffee at 9:30 at night. It’s not easy or fun being a circus act.

This is why we all need to go from being the juggling clowns in our lives to being the ring masters. Each class and responsibility we have throughout the day is like a different act in the show. What we have to learn to do is not stress out about clowns throwing us more balls to juggle or even dropping any of the balls we already have. We are only human: we make mistakes, we get frustrated, we get tired, we want to throw our balls at people. Some of our shows will not be as good as other shows—we might do poorly on a test, forget to pack a lunch, not finish the laundry, or one of many other things. We have to be sure to live in the moment and not the past. Just know that we are going to have good shows and bad shows; and when we have a bad show, accept completion as accomplishment and begin preparing for the next show—the next lab quiz, the next paper, the next homework assignment your kid brings home, etc.

Also, do not be afraid to ask for help putting your circus tent up, managing acts, and feeding the circus animals—yeah, I’m talking about kids. Circuses are not meant to be a solo act. Would you go watch a one-man circus? I wouldn’t. It can be really difficult to ask for help, especially when things feel so messy and out of order. But a lot of times audience participation is just what will make the difference. So ask for your family to help you, or your instructors, or your peers, or the people here at Student 2 Student.

The moral of the story is: when you fall, don’t shut down the circus—the show must go on; run the circus, and don’t let the circus run you—be the ring master of your own life.